Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Katie deLong: Don't Wear Body Glitter, and five other things I learned from exotic dancers

Enjoy the sweet and snarky opinions of writer Katie deLong, Suzie's companion in the boxed set, What to Read After Fifty Shades of Grey v. 8:

#1. You are beautiful. Yes, you. When it comes down to it, people just like looking at other people. Whether you look like a human interpretation of a Barbie, or could easily cosplay as Jabba The Hut, with confidence you can rule that stage. And if they don't see that, they don't deserve to be watching. Spill a drink in their lap.

#2. Strike a Pose. On that note, spacial awareness isn't just for self absorbed starlets who have “bad sides”. A tiny difference in the way you angle your body can make the difference between pausing in a position that leads the eye along your curves like a sensuous hourglass, and making your movements look disjointed or dead, or emphasizing the parts of you you are most self conscious about. Find a few good poses in the full length mirror, and practice lots of transitions to get into them. And maintain eye contact when you nail that pose.

#3. Accessorize! Self conscious about your waistline? Don't get completely naked; just pick out a good underbust waist cincher, and if it has clips for stockings, make sure you clip the stockings on before you put your panties on. That way you can keep it on while you remove them. If you want to keep his eyes on your chest, layer longer necklaces. Just be sure none of them have loose jump rings or sharp-edged pendants. You know that thing where two nerds kiss and their braces stick together? Imagine that with the pendant on your choker, and your voyeur's pants. Awkward.

#4. Don't wear body glitter. In the club, this is sometimes more practical; glitter is like herpes. It gets everywhere you don't want it, and sticks to everyone in sneezing distance. Most guys don't like being covered in glitter, and if they're sneaking out of the house, their spouse will like it even less. But more to the point, glitter, even cosmetic safe glitter, can be irritating to the skin. It can be damaging if it migrates into someone's contacts, it can irritate--- ahem--- other parts of you if it gets ground in during the fun times. On that note, never ever ever just grab craft glitter and mix it with your lotion. Cosmetic glitters are more expensive, but they're less likely to cause permanent damage. Cosmetic glitters are produced to have fewer sharp edges that might cut your eyes' surface.

#5. Do wear glittery eyeshadow. There's a time and a place for everything. And glittery eyeshadow can take an ordinary smoky eye from date night to larger than life.  A little in the inner corner of the eye can light up your face. Or even covering the lids completely. The trick to keeping it in place is in what you use to stick it to your skin. Some companies produce sticky primers, like Fyrinnae's Pixie Epoxy, that are good. To be honest, though, my favorite is plain old Vaseline.  This doesn't work for normal eyeshadow, because Vaseline sits on the skin, and will smear it around. But that exact lack of absorption makes it basically ideal for keeping hold of the glitter all night long. Put it ONLY on the lid, not where your eye creases- in the crease, it will move around more. And use as little as you can. Just enough to make the skin tacky.

About Katie deLong's writing:

Queen of Clubs series

The exotic dancers and employees of the Queen of Clubs walk a fine line, with only wits, beauty, and market savvy to keep them from toppling into the shark pit. Ride shotgun through lapdances, romance, and sexual awakenings. Don't worry, these girls won't ask what your hands are doing under the tip rail. 

About Katie deLong

Katie de Long lives in the Pacific northwest, realizing her dream of being a crazy cat-lady. As a kid, Katie flagged the fade-to-blacks in every adult book she encountered, and when she began writing, she vowed to use cutaways sparingly. After all, that's when the good stuff happens. And on a kindle, no one asks why there's so many bookmarks in her library.

Stay in touch with Katie:

Website: delongkatie.com
Mailing list: http://eepurl.com/CSk3n

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